"An Open Letter
"Her Excellency Maria Leonor Gerona Robredo
Vice-President
Republic of the Philippines
"Attention: Office of the Vice President (OVP) Staff
"My very dearest Leni:
"Fiery Greetings!
"First, I congratulate you on winning the last national elections of your country, the Philippines. And may I just say your country is very prolific and thus very supportive of my interests.
"Second, accept my sympathies on your unfortunate involvement in the recent "minor mishap," for lack of a better term, which has reached my attention most recently, and styled as #LeniLeaks. (To my chagrin and discomfort.) And may I just say "What is up with that?" Nevertheless, I still consider your nation as among the most helpful nations in terms of mutual aid and support with my organization.
officially, handled the challenges in light of the recent misfortunes I mentioned earlier. I sense a spiritual hesitation, a kind of self-doubt, in you. I can feel the veritable vexation your predicament is causing you. But, being the champion in dealing with these particular things, I still remain hopeful that you shall pull yourself together; and push on to greater depths or heights. (You pick; it certainly does not matter.)
"But as I conclude this missive, I would very much like to tell you, with no less emphasis as do everything I have here written so far, that I am feeling rather embarrassed by your performance. (Pardon my vulgarity, please, bear with me.) Which is why my parting words for you, and trust that I leave you this with all my passion and love for all that We do, are:
"THE NEXT TIME YOU FEEL LIKE LYING, CALL ME BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR STUPID MOUTH.
"You have put my name in a relatively shameful position, you puny little shit.
"That is all. Damn you to heaven!
"Sincerely or Otherwise,
[Original Signed]
S A T A N
The Purveyor of Lies
Tempter of the World and all of the Universe"
"THE NEXT TIME YOU FEEL LIKE LYING, CALL ME BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR STUPID MOUTH.
"You have put my name in a relatively shameful position, you puny little shit.
"That is all. Damn you to heaven!
"Sincerely or Otherwise,
[Original Signed]
S A T A N
The Purveyor of Lies
Tempter of the World and all of the Universe"
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